Excuse Note: our Rorschach test

Have you ever experienced something that served as a Rorschach test for people around you? Where some folks high-five you, and others shake their heads depending on their paradigm? Here’s ours:

For the uninitiated, this image was made when sound waves bounced off two babies in utero creating a negative image launching our sonographer into giggles, forcing my husband to his feet and my side, and sending me into the first of 7-10 panic attacks that day.

I’ve already mentioned that I’m a twin myself (my sister and I are fraternal, for the curious among you) and due to our family history both of my previous pregnancies (we have two girls under 4, for the interested among you), enjoyed early and frequent checks to make sure they were swimming alone comfy and cozy. This summer when my husband and I thought about moving forward with our amazing family of four, an unplaced hesitation made us reconsider our commitment to not regret anything. So we were open, as they say, for a short time which we assumed was fruitless. Until one night I woke in a cold sweat from a very bizarre dream, where positive pregnancy tests flew back and forth before me in Fantasia style, and ran for the medicine cabinet at 4:30 am. My intent was to shake away those crazy images still in my mind’s eye so I could sleep again, but I only succeeded in learning the pink dream-doodles were prescient, and ensuring that neither my husband nor I would get any further rest that night.

The emotional pivot I made was pretty jarring but once I cleared it, I started to get excited but began to hyperfocus on determining the count. It would be just too, too … obvious, ironic, classic that a hesitant 3 would be actually 4. An early blood test indicated just one baby, but since I’m more a fan of hard evidence over inference we waited. What we didn’t know was that my twin had been dreaming for weeks that someone she knew would have twins, that two years prior my grandmother for weeks before her death repeated frequently that I – not her other 4 grandchildren – would have twins, that my aunt knew before my mother told her, or that my Mum had an inkling that we would find out that cozy and comfy would also include cuddly with two tiny babies inside me.

HOLY. MOLY.

I was telling my Dad the other day that our fecundity, it seems, is serving as a cautionary tale for friends in their mid-thirties with children. And for some it’s an inspiration to keep trying. For us our little Rorschach test has elicited a veritable spectrum of emotional responses. I’m catching up with my husband who’s already on his way towards elation.

So, this is my excuse note for not posting these past few weeks. And perhaps my excuse going forward for any future posts that may tilt towards the maternal.

Enjoy some FAQs I shared with friends:

  • Yes, I’m freaking out. Colin however, has been amazing.
  • No this was not planned. The OB, sonographer and everyone was very surprised.
  • Yes it’s pretty early to be telling people (I’m only 8 weeks along, due date in June) but our perspective has always been, and was with both of our girls, that the first trimester is the hardest and if God forbid something happens (miscarriage is more common than we think) I’d want all the support I can get.
  • The babies are fraternal, the size they should be and everything looks good so far. I have the same 24 hrs nausea I did with the girls which stinks, but is expected.
  • Yes, I anticipate I will resemble a barn in the very near future.

One last note. We would love for you to pray for us – this whole journey before us will be one led by the Lord’s grace alone. Thanks! And don’t be shy to let me know how I can pray for you.